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Nothing like rounding the corner to my apartment and seeing this friendly creature. Amazingly I got a pic even while hauling a bag of laundry, overnight tote, purse, and 3 bags of groceries. Sometimes I really impress myself with my Gorillacam skills!

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I sure wish there was a People magazine for homeless people because I think my hood has the George Clooney and Brad Pitt’s of the homeless world. Case in point, the Dancing Lumberjack…very hip threads and he even added a “pop” of color with his blue shoes. A fashion DO! And don’t tell me those aren’t 6-pack abs…

It’s been awhile since I’ve posted on the neighborhood riffraff. There are a couple of reasons – 1) my super sly picture-taking mojo has been off and I either miss the person entirely or end up with only part of their leg and 2) they seem to have gotten scarier so I’ve opted not to risk my life for a snapshot of a local hoodlum. That being said, I did get a shot of this gentlemen on my way home today. He was harassing a group of people on Van Ness while they were waiting for the bus. They tried to get away by moving down the block, but he followed them. I couldn’t understand what he was saying, but it didn’t seem very nice. When I took this pic the group was trying to escape by crossing the street…unfortunately, he was in hot pursuit. I was secretly hoping he’d try to follow me because I was going to head up a hill…don’t think he would have gotten too far. I’m a meanie, I know.

It’s interesting what crosses ones mind while sitting on the bus watching people step on and off. Here are a few of my “deep thoughts”:

  • I sure am glad that I have all my teeth
  • I hope I don’t smell like that
  • It’s nice that all of my skirts cover my bum
  • Why does the largest man have to sit right next to me when there are plenty of empty seats?
  • I am so glad this big man sat next me…less likely to get mugged
  • Dirty, smelly people sure do kill an appetite
  • I am way cuter than any of these people

I’m not sure what you see when you go to the grocery store, but I had the pleasure of nearly tripping over this strapping young stallion yesterday. I really hate seeing people on the street like this…I can’t tell if they’re passed out or dead.

Bummed

The last time I came across a man face down on the sidewalk I called the non-emergency police number where I waited on hold for 10 minutes. When I finally got a person on the line and relayed the situation she asked me to “nudge” the person with my foot. I was appalled at the suggestion and promptly declined. I mean, really? I was not wearing an outbreak suit and steel-toed boots! So, to avoid having to nudge this guy, instead I snapped Mr. Strapping Stallion’s picture for my blog and went into the grocery store hoping someone else would be a good citizen and call the po-po.

Good news! By the time I’d finished my shopping Mr. SS had turned over. Hooray, he’s not dead!

Bum turned over

Too bad this mattress and that bum didn’t cross paths yesterday! He would have been the envy of street people everywhere!

Princess bed for bums

I imagine Father Time is not appreciating his new street mate. FT has owned this spot on Polk @ Clay for as long as I can remember…so at least since yesterday. Seriously, FT is routinely perched in front of Big Apple Grocery on Polk begging for spare change. I admit, I’m not totally up-to-speed on homeless etiquette, but I don’t think you’re supposed to squat on another guys corner. This guy is more of a bother too…he doesn’t just sit. He sleeps and wiggles around…hence his moniker…Wiggle Worm.

Here’s hoping he wiggles his way to another hood…

Roses are red, violets are blue, I’m sorry I took this picture of you…

What is up with the crazies?

Today on the bus ride home (5:30pm-ish) a homey asked to borrow my phone. I said no. He then asked me to call his Dad because both of his phones (which he showed me) had died. I said no. I mean really, if both of your phones died a) you’re a moron, and b) you and your scam should crawl back under your hooded sweatshirt and stop talking.

A little later in the evening I ran to my neighborhood piggly wiggly to pick up a few things. Oh joy…there is a crazy lady (coon hat and all) asking everyone in the store “where are the canned white beans, where are the canned white beans”? (Btw, they’re in aisle 7). And then this handsome fellow, with a bottle of vodka under his coat, decided to block the front door. An employee eventually came and shooed him away and locked the door…

Ok, I really need to get that pepper spray/taser now…

It is with great relief that am I able to do a blog post tonight. I was nearly chopped into tiny, little pieces a mere 20 steps from my apartment this morning. (That might be a slight exaggeration). As I turned the corner from Washington onto Polk and walked about 5 steps I suddenly felt someone a little too close. (Too close in that he was on my back)! I turned and came face to face with a creepy man wearing a hooded sweatshirt. He stared at me, blew smoke right in my face, and walked on…turning once to look back at me. CREEPY!!

I will be purchasing pepper spray immediately and possibly a taser. I’m hesitant to buy a taser only because I might want to use it on every homeless person that annoys me…

I was able to do a sketch of the Smoking Bandit online…he had beady little eyes which I couldn’t quite capture, but you get the gist…

The #19 is like a box of chocolates…you never know what you’re going to get. Yesterday I had the pleasure of riding with this lovely lady. And I use the term “lady” very, very loosely. We’ve been on the bus together before and she usually talks quite loudly to herself. So, either she hasn’t had enough of the drink or she’s had too much…hard to tell…

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